NOT Gay

never acted on a single one of those urges

Yes I grinded against another guy to pin them down and establish dominance. No, it totally isn’t gay.

“im not gay! im not gay!!”, i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob

You say that but have you considered he went to a all-boys boarding school?

I did all of those to some degree except catholic school. I’m straight. You know what I would say if I was in that guy’s situation? “lmao”

You know how much freedom I feel when the LGBT+ are free? Folks, it’s bigly ! I have a bone to pick with everyone who goes “fellas, is it gay to drink pink lemonade?” I want a world where you love who you love and do what you do. Cause I want to be in that arcade with the crane games where the people are wearing the LGBT pins waaaaaaay more than I want to pay $8 for a hotdog at a baseball game.

He also does sports though, what self-respecting gay man would ever work out?

eww, it’s a fuckin’ creep doing a bit for attention

(tbf, because i have to be pedantic about this, sex dreams dont always represent repressed desires or anything. They can also be a way of your brain processing complex emotions. Dreams about about processing memories primarily, and sometimes your monkey ass subconcious mind cant process the complex stuff and just goes “sex!”. Thats why someone who does not at all want to fuck their family members might have an incest dream, for example. It can be very traumatic!)

Thank you Ryan Gosling. I loved you in Barbie.

it was too good to be true! too perfectly on the nose

coming soon to /r/landlords: As a Catholic landowner, how can I legally check that my tenants are not engaging in homosexual activities on my property?