I was at a party once and Bernie was there and he said to me that a woman could never be president. This is a real thing that happened.
I saw Bernie Sanders at a grocery store in Brooklyn yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
A couple months I went into Vermont to visit my sister. While I was there I got roped into watching my niece in a hair salon while my sister got her hair done. So I’m sitting in the salon lobby, bored as fuck, watching my niece and who walks in but Bernie fucking Sanders. At first I was kinda nervous and freaked out, I’d just kinda glance at him every now and then, trying not to freak him out. But then my fucking niece starts crying and fidgeting and shit and won’t shut up. So I’m trying to keep my niece quiet and not bother Bernie, when oops, too late, he gets up and walks over to us. He just smiled and stroked her hair, and asked me what was wrong. I said I didn’t know. Then he looked at me with those penetrating beady eyes and simply said in his deep Brooklyn accent, “she seems like she’s hungry.” Then he lifted up his shirt and breastfed my niece right there in the salon lobby. True story.
