This. Same thing i went through. Eventually i asked what’s the point? And for nu atheism the only point was watching Hitchens epically own some nobody with Oxford debate shit on Youtube. I started looking at humanism - but all they cared about was stories about “they’re making my kids say god in the pledge of allegiance” or “some southern city is building a ten commandments monument!” No movement that isn’t explicitly left wing can ever even imagine the possiblity of a better world*

*actually Sam Harris thinks he’s imagining a better world, but its through genocide, holy wars, and phrenology.