I was just put on a performance improvement plan myself a couple weeks ago (looking for other jobs since). It sucks, and I still struggle with this myself, but trying to remember that my ability to perform in this awful system is not a reflection of my character
While there is some merit to looking at how a team performs and how this can be improved, this is not always the case. My experience with this as a worker and (previously) a supervisory position showed me that the bar for performance will always be raised.
You could be performing just as well or better than people previously in your position, but managers and capitalists will almost always push for more from you. Most think they need constant improvement and growth to justify their position and that of their teams and there can be a very real threat of losing your job because of this.
Just remember that your worth as a human is not tied to your job performance and the system you live in will always be squeezing you for more. You are not a robot. You are not a computer. Humans have limits and pushing yourself past those limits comes at the expense of the quality of your life.
Capitalism necessitates the exploitation of resources, including those of your body in the form of your physical and mental health. Do what you can to maintain stability and financial security in your life, but I suggest looking for work elsewhere if possible.
Why? Youâre doing less work youâre the smart one
I think youâre doing great OP! Rule #1 in every bossâ playbook is to make you feel like youâre always behind and always underperforming to squeeze every ounce of extra labor they can from you, as if stealing your surplus value wasnât already enough.
Once, I was given a week to do a project that wouldâve normally taken double the time. But I was so afraid of appearing incompetent, especially because all the higher-ups will act as if itâs no big deal and that these are normal expectations for anyone in the industry. Pulled multiple allnighters and delivered the project within a week. For a second I was shocked when they said they were surprised with how quickly I finished the project when I thought Iâd just barely made the deadline, but then it became clear: these expectations are all bullshit. You can probably guess what my reward was foe being such a good little worker: higher expectations (and no change in pay).
Anyway long story short, feeling dumb and behind is exactly how they want you to feel all the time. If thatâs what youâre feeling, frankly thatâs exactly where you need to be. Iâve fallen for this guilt tripping too many times where I sacrifice my own sanity, health and self esteem trying to appease demands because they have you convinced youâre terrrible at what you do. Think about it: if you felt like you were one of the best at what you do, you would demand better pay, better hours, more respect. This is exactly what they engineer against.
Of course, these feelings of incompetency are hars to reason with when they convince you youâre worthless, so I have a trick for dealing with it; might help you too: thinking to yourself âok, self, letâs say youâre right. You conned your way into this job and have no idea what youâre doing. Fucking brilliant! Youâre the EXPERT and getting away with it! Even though you donât know whatâs going on, while others are busting theyâre asses for peanuts, youâre in the same position as them just because of your excellent skill at getting away with it! Letâs see what else you can get away with!â Make it into a personal game into seeing how far you can stretch it with slick bullshitting and doing the bare minimum but it seem like you did a lot. (This is what salespeople mean when they say theyâre ârejection orientedâ â you make the goal in your head not the closing the deal, or in this case whatever goal your boss told you, but instead how far you can go before getting a rejection). And guess what? This whole economy runs on so much hot air that your boss will literally appreciate you more for this mindset: youâll be acting like one of them now.
Youâre colleagues should slow tf down. Whatâs wrong with them?
Donât feel stupid. Capitalism is not set up to get the best out of people, and the effects of this have no bearing on your worth.
Have you been in your job/role for long?
3 years now đĽ˛, but many of my colleagues have double digit years of experience. I only have those 3 in my area. In fact this was my first job out of college
While I think you should always be open to finding new ways to do your job, it is noteworthy that you managed to stay 3 years at the place while âunderperformingâ as you say. Youâre very likely doing better than you think. And comparing yourself to people who have double digits years of experience is unfair. Have they ever mentioned something about it?
