Physically I am a primordial, but I spiritually jerk off everyday

5 points
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I surgically gave myself scissorhands like Edward Scissorhands from the movie Edward Scissorhands to stop myself from jacking off.

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7 points

What’s higher than mortal? Cus I’m jacking it right now

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8 points

Trust in masturbation discourse to instantly bring out the weirdest views of any community

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12 points
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I don’t think I’ve ever even reached the rank of mortal since middle school 😤

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This whole command structure is fucked

It should be

Day 0: Primordial

Mortal

Warrior

Soldier

Captain

Commander

General

Demigod

Titan

NoFap God

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General is a higher rank than Commander

Generals, captains, and commanders should be leading the warriors and soldiers

The Greek Mythology titans were defeated by the new gods.

Why would primordial, the most basic collection of cells, be at the top and not the beginning of the chain?

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6 points

Why would primordial, the most basic collection of cells, be at the top and not the beginning of the chain?

Primordial gods are considered to be a step above the other gods, they just don’t care enough to rule. Imagine Zeus the God of Thunder trying to fight the primordial manifestation of movement and change. The gods are rulers of the universe, Primordials are the very foundation of the universe itself and could destroy it with a thought.

Even the Christian God before, he was retconned to be the only one, was only given such a high respect because he brought order to a small dot of Chaos and formed the earth. It’s like taking a fort in a war while being completely surrounded for miles and considering it “defeating the enemy.”

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We can have the power to destroy the universe by not jerking off for two years

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8 points
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I think it’s because of RETVRN fascism brain lmao, the older = the better for them, and i think primoridal is supposed to be the primoridal gods of greek myth, which are older than the titans and therefore even more RETVRN. i guess they think greek mythology is some anime shit where the older a god is the more powerful they are despite that as you pointed out the titans got fucking BTFO’d by the gen alpha olympians

as for the military ranking shit, i think i figured it out, it’s that captains and generals are on average older than soldiers, and commanders are like bronze age mythology RETVRN version of generals, and warriors existed before military formations did so they’re the ultimate RETVRN

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