I follow this person on Twitter, and I’m sure she means this literally, and I’m OK with it.

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putting sheets and towels on the furniture when my filthy fucking friends visit and refuse to don a clean suit

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When was the last time you washed your couch cushions?

Also

NOOOOOOO YOURE NOT MY FRIEND IF YOU DONT LET ME PUT MY SWEATY HOT BODY AND CLOTHES ALL OVER YOUR EXTREMELY DIFFUCILT TO WASH UPHOLSTERY

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