This is exactly my experience too. It’s very similar to the issue I always have with mindfulness practices. I can focus on a particular thought or image, or even just “observe” my inner monologue for the smallest fraction of a second, but then it’s right back to the noise of uncontrolled thoughts. Just like you said, I can picture the apple just fine, even in extreme detail, but as soon as I do, it vanishes again and I have to reimagine it anew.
I’ve likened it to being like a game of Hot Potato my brain unintentionally plays with itself. The same instant I’ve grasped the potato (or apple in this case) it’s tossed away again. It’s not hard to catch it again after I toss it, but I can’t help but toss it as soon as I do.
Oh neat according to this I’m a 1.
Give me praise. Compliments immediately. You have no idea how apple that apple in my mind looks.
I remember as a kid like 8 years old struggling with this not because I couldn’t visualize “the apple” but because I could but I didnt know how it was possible to visualize something without it being actually there.
Like I could (and still can) remember the feel, shape, taste, weight and smell of “the apple” and even play around with it in my head. Like I could image the sound of it hitting the ground, how itd feel biting into it, cutting it for apple slices etc.
Like all this shit I could not only imagine but feel the speculative sensation of it. Dunno I was a weird and bored kid.
