Look at those fat Canadian dipshits, just waddling around, scaring children & shitting on the sidewalk. Truly admirable work, but they should still be available for public consumption. 1 in 6 Americans are facing food insecurity and food deserts and these sky deer are running around parking lots like they don’t have predators to worry about. Because they dont.

I understand we cant just let every stupid fuck with a gun go wild at your local sump pond; Which I why I propose installation of WiFi enabled public goose traps near all drainage ditches & retention pools. This way you don’t wait to wait all day in a hunting blind outside Walgreens, but can simply check your Güser™️ app for the closest available bird. The trap will release the bird for you as soon as you swipe your local library card into the reader, promoting literacy, allowing the homeless to have first dibs, and making sure your town is only sourcing local ducks, preventing goose runs & hording.

“But Zoift” I hear to object, “I dont want to eat geese that are full of my local landfill’s runoff.”

First off, fuck you, microplastics build strong glands. Second, just catch one & grain feed it for a week to flush out the gut and you’re looking at some primo bird. After simmering them for stock, the bones can be returned to the source, ensuring a steady flow of calcium back to the environment for future egg production & to help the secondary possum industry.

This is completely unironic, i want to eat those geese and i don’t understand why nobody else has yet.

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65 points

Arby’s - We have the geese.

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20 points

They’d already be putting it in Tim Hortons breakfast sandwiches if those feckless Canadians had any gumption

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nevermind, everyone seems to agree with this

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63 points
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Fuck yes, im not alone. Excellent research. Im promoting you to municipal Bird Czar.

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Communism and killing lots of birds, name a better match.

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22 points

gassed

what in da fuck

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29 points

This is genocide, why is nobody talking about this?

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6 points
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43 points
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43 points

Possum floor traders screaming about calcium futures contracts.

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41 points

I fucking love this site

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