I’m not sure if I want to open myself up about “this”. It’s not because I feel vulnerable, but because some people might think less of me for it. In a way, it’s showing someone a massive weak spot that could be used against me. So, while I’m writing this, it seems obvious to me that it is foolish. Yet still, I have a lingering urge to share some of these feelings.
Truthfully, I have never shared this with anyone. Not even in a therapy setting have I felt comfortable enough to do so. I did nothing illegal, so don’t worry. Its also nothing sex related.
Hypothetical. Imagine I killed someone in self-defense. Even if people might be sympathetic, they would view me differently after I told them that. It would change my relationship with them. This is just an example for something that has the potential to greatly change the dynamic between people.
I DIDNT KILL SOMEONE.
Any input would be appreciated.
EDIT OK. I talked with someone about it. Feel a bit better. Probably wont disclose it on Hexbear but thanks for all the input.
I did nothing illegal … Its also nothing sex related.
I DIDNT KILL SOMEONE.
This is a really weird way to come out as one-eighth Dutch on your mother’s side.
Correct me if I’m wrong, because your post is a bit vague, but what I understand is that you did something that you’re ashamed of and are afraid to share with others
It’s hard to say without knowing the specifics, but keeping secrets like that from people who you are otherwise close with can rob you of your sense of intimacy. You end up questioning your relationships because you tell yourself, “Well sure they like me, but that’s only because I’ve hidden my true self. Actually they don’t know me at all.”
This is a common consequence for people who are in the closet about their gender or sexuality.
Idk. I know people who’ve killed people. It happens. Yeah, it sorta changes how you look at someone but it happens.
You gotta make your own judgements, but sometimes that line about “if the truth can destroy a thing let it be destroyed” applies to friendships with people who are friends with an image of you and not the person.
On the other hand, some secrets are best taken to the grave.
I guess it’d depend one what you want to achiebe. oD you think sharing whatever happened would take some weight off of your shoulders? Would you feel more comfortable if people who were your friends knew about this thing that obviously was an important, likely upsetting part of your life?
I didn’t mean to say I killed someone. I meant to say there is something that could impact my relationship with people. Like if I were the great-grandchild of Heinrich Himmler. I’m NOT, but you get my point.
Yes, I would feel more at peace if I didn’t have to keep something a secret my whole life. I just fear people will judge me for it—something that I have basically no control over, by the way.
think it’s easier to just say it than to do the gymnastics to find the right analogy here. it’s hard to give advice without the real context.
I might make a follow up post or I wont but I gotta think about how/what to say.
I work with a man who spent a few years in the hoosegow for a bar fight turned manslaughter.
One of the guys at the supply house I buy everything at was convinced of murder and methamphetamine trafficking. He spent 6 years in the pen before he got some sort of deal to get out. I assume it involved informing on his buddies.
My relationship with the latter is much more casual, so it’s a bit superficial. My relationship with my coworker is pretty strong. He’s a good guy who got into a bad way. I pick him up for work some weeks, he picks me up some weeks. We’ve talked about it at some length. I honestly don’t think my relationship would be “better” or different were he not convicted by the state of Texas of murder. Bad things happen to good folks every single day. He cannot hold a license to plumb any longer due to his conviction but he held a masters for 15 years before he spent 10 in prison. I’d trust him around my kids, my home, the few possessions I have. I trust him around me.
I’m not sure what my point is really. I guess just pointing out that not everyone will judge you for your past transgressions. Some likely will, and those people probably aren’t worth pursuing friendship with. But not everyone will.
Damn, I iddn’t realize you were barred from the trades for felonys.
But yeah, I take your point, people grow, they change. Many people aren’t who they were five or ten or fifteen years ago.
If it is something requiring state licensure, they sure can. Plumbing, nursing, pharmacy, dental, funeral service, geosciences, optometry and behavioral health is all under the purview of whom issues my license. There are more, but at the very least if you fall under on of those job descriptions you can potentially be denied a license in Texas. I’m unsure about other states but I would assume similar.
My coworker is attempting to get back into it, but it’s been a struggle. You have to have letters of recommendation from your current employer, a former employer, and a coworker. Assuming you get that far, you still have to go before the plumbing board, and plead your case. Then if everyone approved, you can start over again. If he did get his ability to become licensed back, he would start out as a greenhorn; an apprentice with zero hours on the job experience. Means at that point it’s 2 years for tradesman, 4 years for journeyman, 8 for master’s licensure. He is a third generation plumber. He’s been at it longer than I’ve been alive just about. That’s gotta be a killer to someone like that.
I talked with someone about it. Feel a bit better. Probably wont disclose it on Hexbear but thanks for all the input. Also im not ashamed of it. Its just a part of what I am.
