I looked into Purity Balls and shit, and what the actual fuck? Is this a product of toxic masculinity? Why has no one stopped this?

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Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. And it seems like a lot of insidious shit plays into this same mentality of, “the man must protect the woman”. There just such a weird racial component to it, like this weird racist trope of “then white women will be sleeping with black men”.

It’s just fucking disgusting.

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26 points
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The events are attended by fathers and their teenage daughters in order to promote virginity until marriage. Typically, daughters who attend a purity ball make a virginity pledge to remain sexually abstinent until marriage. Fathers who attend a purity ball make a promise to protect their young daughters’ “purity of mind, body, and soul.”

Now if I was more conspiracy minded I’d say this sounds like some fucked up swinger-party but it’s probably just some fucked up religious purity cult nonsense.

edit: “Wilson advises fathers to praise their daughters’ physical attractiveness: “I applaud your courage to look your daughter in the eye and tell her how beautiful she is.” Participants are described as “dates”, and, according to Glamour magazine, could be mistaken for heterosexual romantic partners in the absence of information about their parent-child relationship.” oh god oh fuck

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9 points

Me: “Well, I don’t know, it could be really sweet to spend some time with a parent and go to a party, and dancing doesn’t have to be sexual. Like at weddings when the groom dances with his mom and the bride dances with her dad, that’s really sweet.”

… reads what you quoted above …

Never mind, puking right now.

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Could you link me the article or whatever this is from, please? I need to ruin my morning.

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15 points

like it comes from two thing first these things generally are like people justifying violence they would like to engage by saying well if it WAS MY DAUGHTER I WOULD KILL etc etc you are just thinking a situation where most people would probably not think you are wrong in being violence second kids are easily misconstructed on parents minds that they are a extension of them thus if my daughter had sex before the marriage it would be like that dude fucked ME or something on that mindset

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12 points
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10 points

Yeah projection all the way. Ironically I think they might be onto something in a weird self fulling prophecy kind of way. First in that their possessive behavior will lead their kids to date in secret. Second and this might take some time to explain, but I always thought we learned what love is from the people who raised us. Basically Freud in that we marry our parents. A lot of their kids will mimic or be attracted to their parent’s abusive behavior in others thinking that is what normal relationships are and end up miserable like their own parents.

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13 points

So my brother lives in the South. Purity Balls are horrifying, but they’re rooted in another slightly less horrible tradition in the South, which is the daddy/daughter dance. It’s still a paternalistic ritual that has some really disturbing incestuous connotations, but they’re not nearly as open as what Purity Balls do. My niece went to one with my brother and it was actually pretty cute but slightly off.

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11 points

Just wait till you meet a girl named Chastity

That one was always a lil weird for me

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11 points
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Naming my daughter chastity for the irony of it

Then getting a second layer of irony when she grows up to be ace

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menby

!menby@hexbear.net

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that’s toxic, do your best to explain why it’s toxic.
    • If you don’t have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you’ve overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we’d love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • “This is reactionary. Here’s why.”
      • “I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}”
      • “I don’t understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}”
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can’t engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don’t know how to phrase why it’s unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like “courage” or “integrity” as “manly”.
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don’t reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it’s reinforcing genders norms…
    • If you’re not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it’s irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let’s have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

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