21

(CW: suicide) Fear and Loathing in the USA

posted
by
Avatar
PaX [comrade/them, they/them]@hexbear.net
in
Avatar
mentalhealth@hexbear.net
NSFW6 comments
hidereport

This evening my roommate told me he probably has COVID. He told me he had a sore throat. Also, he was at a major furry convention he probably shouldn’t have gone to this weekend and someone he was with there tested positive. I felt fine besides the intense wave of terror that came over me so I urgently packed my things and prepared to sleep in my car in the freezing temperatures. After hours of restless sleep, doomscrolling, and periods of intense emotion and feelings such as fear, impending doom, sadness, suicidal ideation, nostalgia, and freezing all the while, I started to notice that I’m developing a sore throat too. Now I’m here posting to you while I try to resist giving up and going inside to my warm (and probably coronavirus filled) room. I hope it’s just the cold irritating my throat. I hope it’s just the cold. I hope it’s just the cold. I hope it’s just the cold.

This whole situation has made me consider my living conditions. In the usual sense and literal sense. The only thing good about this country is that my friends and family are here but all the other elements want to take your money, take your health, take your happiness, and take your labor value. And if you can put up with that you also have to be prepared to catch COVID over and over until you’re dead because the flow of treats cannot stop for even a day. Now I’m thinking I need to get out and move to one of the socialist nations. I have developed an interest in Vietnam over the last year so that would probably be my preliminary pick. I like the culture, the history, the language, and the natural landscape and ecology. Though I’m definitely no expert. And the management of COVID there seems to have taken on a more negligent character. Overall though, probably better than taking my chances in the dying empire.

And on a darker note… the past few months have been getting more and more difficult. Mostly since the time of my first COVID infection, actually. My roommate/friend has told me he doesn’t really like me anymore and he just spends all his free time on the internet or in VR now. I’m lonely all the time. I’m burned out at work and don’t really see any other options besides taking on a ton of debt to get a better job. And now I’m probably on my 2nd COVID infection which probably will cut more years off of my life or something. Today I’ve been seriously considering ending my life for the first time in a while. I just don’t want to end up suffering with long COVID for a long time and not being able to accomplish any of my dreams or make myself into someone I like more. So maybe it would be better to take my chances with the other side than continue a doomed life. There’s probably nothing after death or maybe there is. Not sure which would be better tbh.

Thanks for reading. If you have any input that would be appreciated. Is this a healthy reaction or are people handling COVID better than me?

Sort:
HotTopControversialNewOld
No comments yet!

mentalhealth

!mentalhealth@hexbear.net

Create post
  1. We are not a crisis service

If you’re having an emergency, you can find a directory of hotline numbers here. We can’t guarantee an immediate response. This does not mean no one cares. If you see someone posting about an emergency, comment the above link and report the post.

  1. This is not the place for doctor/patient relationships

We do not vet anyone claiming to be a medical professional. You should not expect medical attention from users here. Do not message mods/other users asking for professional support.

  1. No medical advice

You can share personal experiences, but the bottom line is always going to be: If you’re unsure and want an opinion on medical science, you should go see a medical professional. This applies to diagnoses as well as medications.

  1. No medical studies looking for participants

Feel like this one is self-explanatory and falls under no self-doxxing anyway.

  1. No stereotyping a mental illness

This includes uncritically presenting stereotypical characters, using a mental illness as an insult, and implying that someone’s mental illness isn’t “real” because you have different/more severe symptoms.

  1. It’s okay to criticize the medicalization of mental health so long as it doesn’t amount to gaslighting of other users

There are plenty of issues with the current and historical states of mental health science all over the world. They have stigmatized people within countless marginal communities and continue to to this day. This is not an excuse to tell someone who’s had success with therapy and medication that mental health is all bullshit and that their success is somehow fake. This ought to be covered under the sitewide Code of Conduct, but take extra care in these conversations. People have a wide array of triggers.

  1. If a “treatment” is in any way unethical, unapproved, or pseudo-scientific, it should be clearly marked as such

This allows for discussion of historical treatments in context as well as sharing of news on potential treatments who have not undergone ethical human trials. Meanwhile, any attempts to sell/promote snake oil will be met with a ban.

  1. Do not downplay experiences.

We support users here. This is a place for you to post without having someone downplay what you’ve been through or talk down to you. If that happens, it’ll be an immediate ban.

Community stats

  • 1

    Monthly active users

  • 848

    Posts

  • 5.6K

    Comments

Community moderators