I got told today I shouldn’t raise kids because I’d purposefully raise them in a vegan household, without animal products of any sort. I was told this would be dangerous and unfair to the kids.
It was a weirdly direct thing for this person to say to me (one of my coworkers). It’s stuck in my head. I was told I should let my potential children choose what sort of morals they have, even though this person is raising their kids Catholic. Their advice to me was to allow my potential kids to choose every night between a meat-based meal and a vegan meal (???). And several other coworkers agreed. Where do they come up with this? No carnist raises their kids like this.
So is anyone raising vegan kids or does anyone know about what it’s like? Or was anyone here raised in a vegan household?
The dual food options idea is from some kinda’ class strata I’m totally not a part of because I don’t think the ruralites I’m around would even say something so stupid. The logistics don’t even make sense. Are you supposed to just buy and throw out extra food/meat just in case they want to not eat vegan at some point?
Honestly the idea just seems to be raising a kid as a vegan is immoral somehow. They think it’s too heavy of a decision to impose upon a child and there needs to be contingencies in place just in case the kid would prefer to be “normal.” That’s the entire impulse of what’s being proposed to me, that veganism must only be a completely rational decision made by an adult, not something to teach to children.
Which is really rich coming from people who are carnists. My father raised me to shoot and skin deer and I was presented with no choice in that.
There’s also an impulse among carnists to believe veganism is an overly strict set of limitations, rather than seeing veganism as liberatory (which it is.) So they only see a child in a vegan family as punished, or restricted somehow
Or was anyone here raised in a vegan household?
I wasn’t, but I practically ate vegetarian anyways (with the exceptions of ultra-processed foods that happen to have animal ingredients) just because I was picky. Turns out I was willing to not eat a lot longer than my parents were willing to let me go without eating. So ultimately, I did have my own food separate from everyone else, but it wasn’t like they prepared multiple options with the expectation have throwing away half. Can’t believe someone would seriously suggest that.
If your kid is healthy, I don’t think you’re obligated to feed them meat.
Now, if your kid is going out of his/her way to eat meet at school or whatever and tells you they want meat at home, you can have that conversation.
But if we’re just talking about a kid’s taste, what if you make casserole every night and the kid is tired of casserole? Is it child abuse to keep feeding them the casserole?
It’s probably abuse to feed a kid the same thing over and over, yeah. But there’s a variety of vegan food I could feed potential kids. I’m vegan and I don’t eat the same thing every night.
If my kid were sneaking away to eat meat or buy leather or something I’d try talking it over, yeah. Because I earnestly believe in veganism. I don’t think it would result in me giving a kid meat though. I’d probably tell them if they can’t help themselves, just don’t do it around me or tell me about it.
If at a certain point I’m unable to influence my kid beyond talking it over with them I doubt I’d do anything further though. And after the kid’s an adult there’s nothing I’d could do.
Sorry, I must have worded this wrong because someone else here interpreted me saying vegan food is boring. That’s not what I mean.
I’m wondering if it’s abusive to disallow food that a kid likes to eat. In this case, it’s meat. Now, no kid NEEDS meat. It’s just a preference, so there’s no health issue.
And it’s not a loaded question. I genuinely don’t really know.
I don’t think it’s necessarily abuse to guide what a kid eats. They can’t have Doritos for every meal, even if that’s what they want. I don’t want to have a household that participates in the animal industry, so I’d hope a kid would understand that.
Also it seems like kids raised vegan might end up with a distaste for meat anyway
But if we’re just talking about a kid’s taste, what if you make casserole every night and the kid is tired of casserole? Is it child abuse to keep feeding them the casserole?
do you mean like vegan food is all the same casserole night after night? that’s a bizarre analogy. you can make all kinds of vegan food.
No, I’m asking in general if not taking a child’s culinary tastes into consideration is abusive behavior.
It works without talking about carnism/veganism. Like, if the kid really likes artichoke and eats it outside of the house, but the parents never have artichoke at the house and refuse to give it to him/her for whatever reason.
It’s not a binary question. You definitely shouldn’t feed a child or any dependent the exact same thing every night. That amounts to torture eventually. Especially if they don’t like it in the first place.
You can also vary the preparation process to make an “unacceptable” food edible for the kid. Kid doesn’t like steamed broccoli? Put some cheese (or vegan cheese, don’t @ me) on that shit or put it in a cream sauce. Vary the steaming time. Maybe they prefer softer broccoli or somewhar crunchy broccoli. Maybe adding salt, butter, vegan margarine, vegan butter, or other spices could help. Or maybe green beans are more to their liking.
Some preparation methods are simply disgusting (overcooked mushy boiled spinach instead of blanched) and the parent either doesn’t know or doesn’t care that there are better ways to prepare it. I don’t know if I’d call that “abuse” but it’s certainly unfortunate, and my parents went through things like that that they still to this day remember with revulsion and pain.
My dad was forced to eat mushy boiled canned spinach and he had to sit at the table literally as long as it took to eat it. He still had to eat it even if it got cold, and no, they wouldn’t reheat it. This happened multiple times. I’d categorize that as abuse.
I do not have experience with this but I’ve talked with people and I think the biggest issue isn’t what you do at home or even what they do at school, but getting family to understand you don’t want them to feed your child animal products when your not around. It’s not funny to sneak them a nugget. But I guess that also depends on your relationship with family and how much they respect you.
I’m pretty much cut off from my potential family due to my politics and gender, so that’s not much of an issue. And I’d probably only have a vegan partner if I were to have kids, so this kind of solves itself I hope.
I’d be really worried about the kid’s classmates and peers though. I’d hate a kid to get bullied over coming from a vegan household, or get peer pressured into getting some nuggets at the lunch counter. That would suck and I don’t know how to mitigate that.
I’d be really worried about the kid’s classmates and peers though. I’d hate a kid to get bullied over coming from a vegan household, or get peer pressured into getting some nuggets at the lunch counter. That would suck and I don’t know how to mitigate that.
Not really sure how much you can? I know my mom worried about us having gay parents and being bullied for that because Texas. She tried to encourage us to keep quiet, but we didn’t think anything of it, so obviously we didn’t hide it. AFAIK, none of us were ever bullied for it. At worst, one of my brother’s friends parents just complained to our mom that we got special treatment because she couldn’t accept her kids were not academically inclined. Oh, I guess my mom did get me to start taking karate when I was like 4yo. Not that I ever got into any fights at school, but I assume she wanted me to be able to defend myself if I needed to.
The best you can do is build a strong bond of trust between you and your child and then trust they will be able to handle those situations and if they do slip up or get peer pressured that trust is built where yall can talk it out. This just seems like general parenting struggles caring parents go through.
this is a great point. my partner’s family was used to veganism but mine wasn’t. getting them used to staunch veganism with us adults meant a lot less bullshit when it carried over to our kid too. it would be so fucking frustrating if I had family sandbagging me like that with my kid
our household is all vegan. my partner went vegan as a teen. they were patient with me as I eventually drifted away from animal products and went vegan when our child was small. our child was raised vegetarian from day 1 but never really took to eggs and cheese in the first place. they’re 99% vegan now, except for the odd halloween candy. we’ve been clear about where animal products come from without watching dominion/earthlings.
these days dairy and eggs but meat especially elicit an ‘ew’ reaction. there’s one other kid we know that is mostly if not entirely vegan. there’s a vegetarian out there or two. while lots of people including families we know eat vegan meals without pitching a fit, I don’t know of any other vegan households. the vast majority of other kids are carnists and my child has described that as ‘weird’. it hasn’t been a big point of contention with friends or internal anxiety so far, thankfully. our kid knows it’s a choice and that if they fuck up and eat animals by accident that’s nothing to be ashamed of, but they also know that we’d be disappointed if they choose to stop being vegan.
all this ‘omg kids are vegan’ shit is a bullshit dodge, just another type of carnist brainworms and deflection from people’s own discomfort with self criticism and personal moral reckoning. veganism isn’t hard to explain to kids. it’s a pretty clear narrative - so many kids books are about animals and nature as friends that deserve life and respect. not eating them is less confusing. the fucked up part is explaining how the vast majority of people don’t give a single flying shit. I try not to be too hard on the issue when it comes to other people, partly out of some kindness to my past self, partly because I don’t think it’s fair to instill distrust of 98% of people in a child just because they aren’t vegan.
diet-wise obviously it’s fine for kids to be vegan. it’s as healthy for kids as you make it. there are all kinds of vegan garbage food to eat as well as lots of healthy stuff. our kid is a picky eater but I bet that’s true irrespective of carnist or vegan. salt and sugar and carbs transcend all diets. it sucks that processed vegan foods aren’t subsidized the same way that dairy and meat are because it’s harder to get kids into lentils than plant hot dogs and plant mcnuggets but it’s not a big deal.
thanks, this does kind of reassure me. My guess was that kids raised into vegan households would come to acclimate to it and understand the point of it. Kids aren’t stupid and they can be taught things about the world.
Like you said, kids can absolutely understand veganism. Probably better than most adults because kids haven’t had decades of mental gymnastics established in their brains to justify being a carnist. Kids can be taught respect and consideration for the world and it’s fine.
Thanks for being kind to your kids and I hope your family stays healthy and happy
thank you! we’re lucky to be in a community that is pretty accepting even if veganism is rare. we don’t proselytize except having people over for meals and barring meat/dairy from our table. my partner and I are both decent cooks so that helps
we’ve had a few funny experiences with other carnist kids. one insisted he never ate vegetables while eating a cupcake we made. after we told him it was made only with plants, he was pretty sheepish. still ate it though. one or two times other kids have tried to push our buttons but after years of posting on the internet, owning children with facts and logic is pretty straightforward. ‘no, we just choose not to eat animals. we like animals better alive and happy.’ kids will ruminate on that more often than adults, they’re naturally more open to learn, less ready to be defensive.
I wish you all the best if you choose to have kids. well also if you don’t, but you know what I mean
