I think if I were a competitor I would rather my opponent win than be subjected to a cavity check. Maybe there should be a rule where if you suspect your opponent of using anal beads to cheat you can unilaterally invoke a clause causing you both to compete while sitting on a Sybian or something.
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with beads up their arse is a good guy with beads up their arse.
The only way to win is to also use the beads
Play in a faraday cage? You can still have all the cameras and stuff inside since they run on wires anyways.
The problem with the faraday cage idea is that modern chess engines can run on computers small enough to fit in your rectum. So the players could sit in an electrically isolated room and then do keggles to signal to their butt computer which move their opponents are making, and the computer can vibrate back a code for the perfect play. I think the solution is obvious: make a specific category specific for computer up your butt play.
Wouldn’t it be pretty suspicious if you were doing kegels during a match? Even if you do it inconspicuously, I don’t think it’s possible to get a message that encodes chess moves that wouldn’t take a suspiciously long time to communicate via kegel.
Wouldn’t it be pretty suspicious if you were doing kegels during a match?
Not that suspicious, given the faces people make when they’re thinking hard. Even then, its one of those “I dare you to prove I’m using a butt computer” situations. Not exactly trivial to debunk. In Niemann’s case, he has yet to be caught cheating - either online or in person. All of this is speculation.
I don’t think it’s possible to get a message that encodes chess moves that wouldn’t take a suspiciously long time to communicate via kegel.
So, there’s significant speculation on this point. The player could have an accomplice who is entering moves on his behalf.
But time is no object. Games can last multiple hours, and Magnus Carlson himself was in a game that lasted over eight hours. So if the problem is simply sending instructions at a slow pace, a player could conceivably do it. The bigger question is whether the computer up the player’s butt could run for that long without overheating.
Algebraic notation is pretty terse—with a variable length encoding system like a modified Morse code, for the standard cases you would only need up to two dits and dahs to encode the piece type and three for the destination square. There are special cases which would need more, but at the speed of a classical chess match you’d have more than enough time to enter them.
I think typically the only period with a long succession of (relatively) rapid moves would be the opening (putting aside ending scrambles); however, since chess openings are highly standardized this could be handled with a special reserved code which allows a whole set of opening moves to be entered (perhaps with a second optional component to indicate after how many moves the opening goes off-book). Alternatively, any chess players at a high level would have no trouble remembering the series of opening moves and could enter it at their leisure once the pace slows down (they also write down all moves on a score sheet but I imagine it’d be suspicious to be poring over that during a game). As long as you have the engine ready for the complex midgame and don’t blunder your opening, you’ll have the edge you need.
(Everything I know about chess is from watching a few (mostly amateur) tournaments on Twitch and lazily playing puzzles at a very low level, so any actual chess players please correct any errors I might have made!)
There’s a specific category to test different chess engines, but you might be on to something. You could have a category where you both come in with methods for cheating and you can score a full game by deducing your opponent’s method. Also a category where you just have a vibrating butt plug hooked up to stockfish because why not?
You could have a category where you both come in with methods for cheating and you can score a full game by deducing your opponent’s method.
Wait this is actually awesome? I think this would legitimately be fun and engaging? You could add a layer of risk to it by making you lose automatically if you accuse them wrongly, making playing legitimately a viable strategy.
unilaterally invoke a clause causing you both to compete while sitting on a Sybian
