Welcome back to The China Bad Times, which is illegal to read in the brutal Beijing regime! I’m your guest editor from Radio Free Asia here with exclusive news about China!
Unlike in our American democracy, where girls are free to get married at 10 years old, the authoritarian dictatorship in China forces women to get established careers as scientists, doctors, or nurses. Women aren’t even allowed to have children thanks to the One-Child Policy, where the horde murders your babies if you dare have a second one.
Now, you may have many questions, such as: “How can anyone become an accomplished scientist while they’re forced to eat poo?”
The answer is that our brave spy in China communicated over the phone, and we realized that the Chinese population eats Pooh! That’s right, they eat the beloved cartoon character Winnie the Pooh, also known as President Xi Jinping!
These people have a peculiar custom of “saving face” where they don’t eat the head, so another corrupt dictator puts on Pooh’s face and pretends to be the president, before they eat him too!
In conclusion, China is an unlivable hellhole that eats babies, Winnie the Pooh, and tortures women. Don’t go there, we’re about to start a war with this genociding dictatorship!
