Good on you for wanting to expand your social groups and work on your confidence! I do not have autism and I’m not asexual, so I can’t speak to the specific trials that you face and on top of that I’m 27, so my memory of bumble as a 22 year is probably different from your lived experience. However, I have been on various dating apps for a number of years and have enough experience with them to compare and contrast them.

The big difference between Bumble and Tinder, for example, is that ,by design, you are more likely to have women sending first messages. I want to differentiate ‘first messages’ from ‘starting conversations’ because my experience is that at least 75% of these messages are just a ‘hi’, ‘👋’, or a gif because the women sending them are working against the time limit and traditionally don’t need to put much effort in. This can still reduce anxiety in my experience because at this point, not only did they match with you, they presumably read your profile and still liked you enough to signal that they want to get to know you. Note that if you’re getting rejection burnout/dejection on other apps it is unlikely to change by switching to bumble. The criteria for swiping right does not change much from app to app unless you take advantage of the bio prompts in clever and engaging ways.

As far as demographics/maturity is concerned everything is a bit of a mess. One of the big things that draws women to bumble is that you don’t receive the same shotgun blasts of 'you up?'s, pick up lines, and out-the-gate sexual advances. This might work in your favor as an asexual, but it also means that the demographics (at least in my area) lean more towards conservative women or liberal, career-oriented women (which are now a pain to swipe through because they’ve moved the ability to filter by politics and religion behind a paywall).

I think that hinge is probably the best app out there at the moment on the grounds that it forces people to fill out profiles. This lets you get a better idea of who they are, but the onus to start conversations will largely be placed on you with hinge because of your gender. Additionally, hinge allows you to include your sexuality in your profile, so it would be easier to identify other asexuals.

Finally, and I want to make it clear that I don’t mean to insult you by saying this, but that I think it is important that you’re aware: the idea of looking for an older woman because she will have ‘shed off immature habits like sending mixed signals’ come across as being a little selfish and incel-y even though I know it probably comes from a place of hurt or frustration. Just as you want the person you date to be ‘mature’ it might also be the case that you need to work on your communication strategies. Understandably, this is very difficult for someone with social anxiety and autism, but there’s no time to practice like the present. For example, one of the easiest ways to work around ‘hints’ and the mystery of dating is just tell the other person how you are feeling about the relationship and ask them how they are feeling. It is scary, but also incredibly refreshing (for both parties) to know exactly where they stand.

:meow-hug: Also, f you ever want someone to help with your dating profiles, I’d be happy to give advice!

Nah, I’d check out bluecheckmingle and liberalmatchmaker

I once went on BumbleBFF to find non-romantic friends and every profile on there was basically just:

“I love to have fun! I’m vaccinated!”

Like okay, got a lot to work with there.

so she can shed off immature habits like sending mixed signals

… bruh. That’s not really a thing.

Men saying women “send mixed signals” is the cope they throw out when they get turned down. It’s an excuse to cover their own embarrassment instead of just going “oh I guess I misread that and saw what I wanted to see”.

Women are pretty damn clear, they just often have to become increasingly blunt because there is a certain type of guy who thinks that a woman not macing him means she is flirting.

There is no “immature habit” to shed.