It was the longest day of my life. December 24th, 2015. It was the year i radicalized and started supporting the global communist agenda and started spelling it “amerikkka”.

Christmas Eve. I was no longer christian by then, but i still felt compelled to comply with the trappings of the holiday i had grown up pretending to care about. I decided to cook something hearty.

First, i needed baby potatoes. These made me think of all the children ICE had stolen. I quickly googled the congressmen who voted for ICE and checked to see if any lived nearby. Sadly, none did. Instead, i did 100 pushups and texted a few of my friends depressing memes and washed and quartered those little veggies.

Secondly i needed those little orange guys. Carrots. Give a little crunch. They made me think of the 1.4 million people living incarerated in amerikkka right now. I chopped the carrots sadly.

Finally, as if i needed more reason to cry, i had to chop an onion for this. I sliced it up as fast as i could, letting the tears flow freely.

Luckily at that point all i had to do was heat up the oven and add some spices. Salt, for fascsist tears. Pepper and Paprika, for a black and red alliance. Thyme for my optimism about the 2016 bernie nomination. I really think we might have a chance!

Finally i put that in the oven while i started on my squat routine while listening Das Kapital on audiobook. I got up after 15 and flipped over the veggies, then started on the glazed.

Dijon mustard, for the type of scandals liberal media set up for Obama. Whole grain mustard, representing the whole truth. Maple syrup, for the sweetness of our comrades who keep me sane, And finally, brown sugar, because we know white is trash.

After covering the veggies with that sweetness, I resumed my squat/lifting routine and Das Kapital, and thought about a better world.

Actual Recipe