The sun dips down below the horizon. Its hold begins to wane.
A man sits upon the grass, and wonders “how am i still sane”.
But as the stars come out to play he begins to feel inside.
The joy that left him long ago. The joy he thought had died.
And as he gazes up above he knows that it wont last.
This childish awe that he feels now is simply of the past.
If we are to live without illusions, we must learn to face the day.
And so be it, if disillusion is the price we have to pay.
So fear not my friends if you are down. Our day, our time will come.
When we all own the world, when it doesnt belong to some.
So for now, look around and know you’re not alone.
And one day those that loot the land will die, as to atone.
I leave you with these words of hope. Our will it must not bend.
Forever and always, my dear love, solidarity until the end. :heart-sickle:
I wrote this poem after a Gramsci quote popped into my head. This is my first time sharing so criticism is very welcome.
So fear not my friends if you are down. Our day, our time will come.
When we all own the world, when it doesnt belong to some.
So for now, look around and know you’re not alone.
And one day those that loot the land will die, as to atone.
I leave you with these words of hope. Our will it must not bend.
Forever and always, my dear love, solidarity until the end.
These lines really stood out to me. It reminds me a lot of Bread and Roses and seeing a modern poem in the same vein is so refreshing! When I was going to school, in the scant few poetry classes I took, I didn’t see too many openly leftist poems.
You’re clearly putting emotion into the writing and it shows in the desire to have hope and perservere despite all the shit we’re dealing with these days. A great bloomer poem.
I’m not the best with analyzing/workshopping/critiquing poetry, but something you might want to look at is removing syllables if possible within certain lines. Just to help the flow better.
For example:
The sun dips down below the horizon. Its hold begins to wane.
A man sits upon the grass, and wonders “how am i still sane”.
The first line is 16 syllables while the second is 15. The rest of the lines tend to be 14 or 15, with a few going above that. With the lines I referenced, I think you could remove the word ‘down’ and help the flow better.
Again, I’m not a poetry expert or anything like that, so please take the feedback with a grain of salt.
Overall, writing like this is stuff we need these days and I’m glad you wrote and shared it!
Thank you so very much for your wonderful feedback and kind words. I think your edit will likely make it into my final draft. I’ll definitely look into the flow.
Also you’re completely right. I think the only major lefty poems that we studied were Percy Shelley’s works.
Anyway l, thank you again. I greatly appreciate it.
