The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love is a book by bell hooks about men, patriarchy, the relationship between them, and most importantly love. It’s a book that I wish I had read much earlier, and so I decided to start a reading group. I’m a couple chapters in but will be re-reading (well, re-listening) to the chapters as we go through the book. This book is an empathetic look at masculinity, and focuses on learning how to love.
This idea was spawned by comrade @Othello@hexbear.net after I mentioned that I had been checking out the book and played the first chapter on Hextube. There is no need to pick up a copy, comrade Sen has already uploaded the entire audiobook onto Youtube. Content warnings are generously provided by Sen at the start of each chapter. Let’s start with Chapter 1. Each chapter is only about 30 minutes long, so it’s not a long commitment. I wanted to post this to c/menby but that didn’t seem to work.
Uhh I don’t know how to lead a reading group so let’s start out with some questions:
-What stood out to you about this chapter?
-Are there any ideas that bell hooks introduces in this chapter that you’ve never heard of or wish you had heard earlier in your life?
-Are there any stories in this chapter that resonate with you on a personal level?
I can definitely relate to how my brother, as a little kid, used to be a big sweetie pie, and loved me to death as a baby. But just a little later on in our childhood, there was a sharp change. For the longest time we weren’t even friends and didn’t even talk to each other despite living in the same house. We have improved our bond over the years but it’s sad how much he takes after our narcissistic father. I also really cling onto the hope that my father will change. I know for sure that there’s good in my brother because I’ve seen it. Maybe I should give him this book to read lol, but he’s got severe ADHD so I don’t think he could sit down long enough to actually read it.
Also the part about sons acting exactly like their grandfathers really stuck out to me! My grandfather was an extreme alcoholic, and my father broke that cycle, or so he thought. My father never really had a problem with drinking. However my brother went on to have a severe problem with alcohol to the point of almost dying and possibly having brain damage. My father wasn’t a physically violent drunk like my grandfather was, but the emotional void was still there and led again to the same trauma that likely caused my grandfather’s issues.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother. Addiction fucking sucks, and the damage from alcohol abuse (personal and social) is absolutely terrifying considering how widely accepted and even expected it is to imbibe.
That said, there’s a strong genetic component to substance abuse issues. And it’s something that needs to be discussed and understood at home. My entire family has had issues with addiction at one point or another, and I’ve had to have a talk with one of my nieces about it. Her dad doesn’t indulge at all, but that’s not quite enough I think. Society in general needs to mature a lot more about having these kinds of conversations, and I wouldn’t know where to even begin on this.
You talking about my pfp? The source of it is the same as yours, actually. It’s an edited pic of Pluto.
